Spring is in the air

So, a couple of days ago I talked to my dad on the phone. He basically asked me: 'So, when are you going to write something again?'. I told him I honestly didn't know. I didn't feel like writing the last couple of weeks. Yeah, ok, I wrote some beginnings, but I obviously didn't finish them. I just didn't know what to write. Should I tell you about the fact that I started to play baseball again? Or that we are looking for a new roommate? Telling about a day seems so boring to me.

So, what made me write today? I think it was just 'the day'. See, today we got the first hint of spring here. The sun is shining, and it isn't as cold anymore as the days before. Today we basically learnt that spring is only two or three weeks away, and the good weather is going to increase rapidly. As soon as you feel this, the city seems entirely different. As soon as I went out this morning you can feel something is changing. Just the sounds in the street were already different. People start cleaning their houses, and remodelling them. There are not too many tourists yet, and the city still has this certain calm hanging over it.

You also feel it when you go for a walk. The smells of the products of the bakery's seem to reach further, and as the river is still partially frozen, you realize that the nights are still way to cold. But in the meantime, you see people walking with sunglasses, open jackets, or even without jackets. It gives the people an aura of relaxation, and everybody seems more open.
It's amazing how one day of good weather can have such an impact on a city.

Now I'm hitting the same wall as before: What do I want to tell?

I don't know, so I'll get back to you later on.

Ciao

Lonestar

Why?

I don't know. Maybe because of the fact that I hear a beautiful woman singing amazing songs. I can picture the stage: Piano in the center, Norah sitting on the left side for the audience. Drums central on the back part of the stage as usual. The right front part of the stage is being occupied by the electric guitar player, where the rhythm guy is standing on the left side of the drummer, almost anonymously, playing his very important part. Crucial of course, the base player, he is standing on the right side of the drummer, similar situation of the rhythm guitar guy. One difference though, he is standing there because of the fact that the public doesn't pay that much attention to the base, as to the rest of the band. The guys are dressed in black suits with white shirts and bow-ties. As I was saying, Norah sitting front left side of the stage, probably wearing a black cocktail dress. The stage is bathing in blue light, with a spot on Norah, and occasionally on the lead guitarist.

As I'm hearing the introductions of the songs, I realize, that she is pretty close to the woman of my dreams. She is beautiful, has an amazing voice, and a good sense of humour. She is confident, otherwise she wouldn't be travelling across the world to perform. But sometimes, in those spoken parts, you can hear a certain insecurity. She is wondering herself: 'Is the crowd going to like this joke?' or 'Am I sure that I am going to say this?' or my favourite 'Damn, I just said that! Should I have said that?'

You know, she reminds me of somebody with who I used to be pretty close. I just hope that if you read this, you recognise yourself. Because, I think, that she is the older version of who you could be in a couple of years.

Why does this concert appeal to me? Why especially now, at almost 3 at night? I think because of the insecurity. Even though it might not always seem that way, I'm sometimes struggling with my self-esteem. I'm not always as confident as I want to be. I just sometimes wish, that I could go into a conversation, and blow everybody away. Just wow the people I'm talking with, using amazing arguments, or bullshit arguments, but delivering them in a way they seem pretty damn good. Just for once I would like to go out there, in front of the lions, and just fight them off. You know, just like nothing can happen to you, and you are sure that you can take on the entire world.

To link this back to the concert, Norah sounds like how I'm feeling sometimes, but then she finds the courage to open her mouth, and start singing this amazing song. That's a thing which requires an incredible amount of courage. I wish I could find that courage more often than I do nowadays. I want to be able to do that outside of my comfort zone, which is basically on the baseball field.

So that's something on which I have to work.

On that note I'll stop writing, because in five hours I have to wake up again.

I hope you all had sweet dreams while I was writing this, and good night.

Rage against everything

Yesterday I told my uncle that I just don't know where I want to study, in Italy or here, in Holland. I simply just don't know. His answer was the following: 'I think the answer that you should find is what you want to study, if you have that answer, the where will follow.' And I think he's right. That's why the next couple of months I will go to different classes at the university of Firenze. Just to find out where my interests lie, and what I think of the study in practice. Why do this? Well, in my opinion you can't make a good choice if you go to one day that they designed for high school people that need to be persuaded to choose that study. So I'll just go there, try stuff out, and make a good choice.

By the way, studying over here is going to be a lot more expensive. This because of the fact that the Dutch government wants to cut the basic scholarship, which is about 100 euro a month for people who live with their parents, and 170 euro for people who live on their own. I know, it isn't much, it doesn't cover half of the rent I pay in Firenze right now, but it is a gift from the government. Now they are planning on turning it into a loan. By now I had so many discussions about that part that I'm almost convinced that, with a degree from university, you should be able to repay the government easily.

A thing I don't agree on though, is the fact that they are planning on cutting the free public transport program for students. Let me give you an example: Say that I'm going to study in Amsterdam, which I'm not, I would have to take a bus from Leusden to Amersfoort for about 2,50 euro. The train from Amersfoort to Amsterdam costs 15,90 euro, and then you have a to go and return ticket. When I get back to Amersfoort I would have to pay the bus ticket again, which means another 2,50 euro. That makes that travel costs for one day of university would be around 20 euro's. If you need to go to university five days a week, it would make a total of a bit over 100 euro's on public transport. I really don't get that.

I really don't get the public transport idea around here though. Everything was working perfect, you would go to a supermarket, buy a card on which they could place 15 stamps and go to the bus driver and say: 'I would like to go to Amersfoort.' The bus driver would place three stamps, and you had paid. Easy as that, sounds pretty ok right? Well, a couple of years ago, one certain genius thought that this good system wasn't working properly, and decided that it was time for a change. So now we have the 'OV-chipkaart'. This is basically a credit card which you have to buy for 7,50 euro. Than you have to place a credit of at least 10 euro's on there to activate it. So, before you start travelling you already paid 17,50 euro's. Then, when you go by bus, the saldo on your card needs to be at least 3 euro's, and when you go by train at least 20. That's nuts right? Right now it's still possible to buy paper tickets at the bus or at the train stations, though, that's going to change.

Let me tell you why it doesn't work. My uncle is here right now, and he's staying in Amersfoort. If he would like to come by bus, he would have to buy a card for every person in his entourage that would like to come over here as well. This means in this case three cards of 7,50. That makes 22,50. Then he has to activate them, which means uploading at least 10 euro a card. Another 30 euro's were just added. So before he can travel he spends at least 52,50. Then he can drive four times to our place by bus before he runs out of saldo, because a trip costs about 2 euro's every time, and the minimum on the card should be 3 euro's if you go by bus.

So, if you decide to come to Holland and take the public transport, better take a well filled wallet with you.

New years

The last thing I wrote was almost a month ago, I'm sorry about that. But I had a problem you see, I had a writer's block. Since my last story, not that much happened. But I'll give you a quick update anyway.

One week ago I arrived in the Netherlands for a holiday at home. How strange is that? To be honest, I feel like I never left Holland in the first place. Everything just went on like before I left. The weather is shitty and I saw some of my friends over here. The only thing that's changed is that the trees don't have any leaves anymore.

Though yesterday things changed. A part of my family in Italy decided to come over for new years. They arrived yesterday, and I feel my Italian has improved a lot. Though, after a week and a half of not using Italian I also feel that my Italian is quite rusty. And I realized that my holiday here has already past the halfway point. Time flies to be honest.

Since this is probably the last thing that I write before new year's eve, I would like to wish you all, all the beautiful things in life, and a lot of health. I would like to finish this year with these words:

New year's eve, an evening to look back at the last year. An evening to forget about all the bad things that happened to you, and a chance to take all the good things with you to the year ahead. It's time to leave your old ships behind, and to start with a new fleet, including your good ships of the past year. It's a moment to give each other a new chance, and if a new chance is given to you, just grab it and hold on to it with all your power. Make the best out of everything, and enjoy.

See you next year!

Is this everything I can come up with?

It has been two weeks and two days since I last wrote something. During this period you have received some stories, and I think the last one was a slightly depressing one. My writing apparently shows my feelings, because every time I write a negative story, my parents are calling me to check if I'm ok. To be honest, I didn't write the last few weeks because I wasn't feeling to good. I think I was a bit homesick, missing the Dutch habits and food. Maybe I even felt a bit lonely. But I think the main thing was that I didn't know what to do with my spare time. I'm struggling to find out what I want to do after Christmas. I'm sure I'll find out pretty soon. For Dutch readers, a friend of mine in Canada wrote less or more how I felt like, so if you want to know check ilse-in-canada.reismee.nl

To be honest I don't really have a thing to write about. Also that contributed to the not writing, a lack of inspiration. I've got one idea, but before I write that I want to have internet at home.

I tried to write about films, but it doesn't really work out today. I'll get back to you, and I apologize to waste your time with such a small piece of writing, but it's just not working out right now.

See you soon, and hopefully I'll come up with something better next time.

Ciao

Is this everything I can come up with?

It has been two weeks and two days since I last wrote something. During this period you have received some stories, and I think the last one was a slightly depressing one. My writing apparently shows my feelings, because every time I write a negative story, my parents are calling me to check if I'm ok. To be honest, I didn't write the last few weeks because I wasn't feeling to good. I think I was a bit homesick, missing the Dutch habits and food. Maybe I even felt a bit lonely. But I think the main thing was that I didn't know what to do with my spare time. I'm struggling to find out what I want to do after Christmas. I'm sure I'll find out pretty soon. For Dutch readers, a friend of mine in Canada wrote less or more how I felt like, so if you want to know check ilse-in-canada.reismee.nl

To be honest I don't really have a thing to write about. Also that contributed to the not writing, a lack of inspiration. I've got one idea, but before I write that I want to have internet at home.

I tried to write about films, but it doesn't really work out today. I'll get back to you, and I apologize to waste your time with such a small piece of writing, but it's just not working out right now.

See you soon, and hopefully I'll come up with something better next time.

Ciao

I have a dream...

The first page of my notebook says: 'I have a dream........'

'I have a dream' It makes me think, it reminds me of the legendary speach of Martin Luther King. It also makes me wonder if I have a dream right now. The sad answer is that I don't think I have. I know I had dreams. I dreamed of becomming a baseball player in the United States, of becomming a pilot, and of living in Italy. So far I've realized one of three. That's a pretty decent score. The baseball dream had a period in which it blossomed, during the education program of the KNBSB I felt like a was getting close. Then they pulled the plug on me.

The dream that I've realized feels good, also right now.

But still, do I have a dream? Once again, the sad answer is that I don't think I have right now. Why is that a sad answer? I think people need dreams. They need to have something to fight for, something that makes them get the most out of them. It's something that inspires us. If I don't have a dream right now, that means that I don't really have anything to fight for. That's sad, and it bothers me.

So, do I have things that I want? Ofcourse! I want to find a study that I really want to do. I would like to start a new project, like I once did with the school newspaper. Maybe I would like to write for a profession. Eventually I would like to have a family.

But these things aren't really dreams. Finding a study, or starting a new project from scratch isn't really a dream. The writing is something that's developing right now. I don't have the skills or the experience yet to write professionally. But maybe I'll end up at a newspaper or something, we'll see. Having a family can be a dream. It can be a life goal. But it's not something I can start working on right away. I could, but the timing almost couldn't be worse, so if that's a wise thing to do...

And you guys, do you have dreams? It would be nice to know them. Dreams of other people can inspire the rest of us. So, share and inspire.

The riverbank

He goes outside for a walk, buys a sandwich and heads for the riverbank. As he arrives there he takes a seat on the wall that separates the city from the river. He eats his sandwich and looks around. He sees all the contrasts and decides that he's got to write about this. When he finished his sandwich he took his notebook and tries to get hold of the pencil that's in there. Though, the pencil is to slippery and he can't get a grip on it. He looks around and sees a gift shop. 'In that case I'll get a pen over there.'

As he walks into the giftshop, the woman starts speaking English to him. He responds in Italian. She asks what she can do for him. He asks for a pen. Since the conversation language has changed into Italian she asks him if he wants a normal pen or one of those on the counter. The ones on the counter have Firenze written all over them. He answers he wants a normal pen. That answer leads to cleaning the counter and her saying 'I should have some normal ones over here.' Then she finds them, tests them and lets him choose. He buys the pen and heads back to his place next to the river. He starts writing, and he writes this:

'On my left side the traffic drives like crazy. There's a hotel, the doorman stands outside, he's probably calling a friend.

Ahead of me I see trees and the hills that surround Firenze.

I look slightly to the right and see the rowingteams practice.

On my right side the seagulls fly and are searching the water for food.

I see the old watchtower and the piazzale Michelangelo.

In my back the sun is showing off it's powers, but it's also saying goodbye.

Back to the left side again, there I see the first tourist groups heading back to their tourbusses.

The city is vibrant.

I'm sitting on a wall that's just on the north bank of the city. A couple of times a week I come here. It's a place where madness and nature meet. I come here to relax and to get an idea of the season. In the treeless center of the city you can just determine the season by temperature. Here I see brown trees that are losing ther leaves. In about a week they'll be leafless. Leafless trees can during winter still be elegant though.'

As you see he underlined the 'Elegant'. He probably did this to remember himself that he wanted to write about this theme. As I look back I remember that in one of his lessons in the past few months, one of his teachers asked the class what they think of the Florentine winter. The answer was basically: It's nice, it gets colder but you can assume that the sun shines. One girl said however: 'It's slightly depressing that everybody dresses in black though. I miss the colours.' His teacher answers: 'You're right. Most people dress in black during winter. I think they do that because, in their opinion it's elegant.'

In first instance he forgot about it, but the last couple of days the theme returned in his head. He had a couple of things where he head to go to and for which he wanted to look slightly elegant. This resulted in wearing a dark sweater instead of the screamy red sox one he was wearing earlyier that day. The jacked that he was wearing that evening changed from bright red to black. I think his teacher was right. People assume that black is elegant. When people have to look elegant they often dress discrete, though they sometimes prefer to dress slightly extravagant. Elegant extravagant leads often to a reaction of doubt. Doubt if you take the occasion where you are serious. To prevent this from happening people prefer to be discrete. At this point he's in doubt. In doubt if he agrees with what I just wrote. He doesn't know, but I think he won't object if I publish this.

So that's what I'm going to do as soon as I've got internet, I'm going to publish this.

(Written Saturday 19-11)

Since I don't have internet at home I'll post some stories later than the date of writing. Everything will be here in chronological order though. The story I wrote today might be uploaded somewhere at the beginning of next week. (Thursday 24-11)